Foot –> Mouth

10 May

Will someone please put a plug in me?!?!

And then there was that one time that I asked a Jewish man if it would be kosher for me to do something.

These are literally phrases that NEVER cross my lips. I can’t tell you the last time (if ever) I told someone I would “Stay out of their {nonexistent} hair” or if something is “kosher” oh my gosh my armpits are sweating just thinking about how embarrassing this is. It’s like I have tourettes!!!! And someone who actually has tourettes probably read this and is now going to write angry comments because now I’ve effectively offended bald guys, jewish people AND people with tourettes!!!! I swear, I don’t mean to be an asshole! It just… comes so naturally to me?? Oh my gosh!!!  What the hell is wrong with me!?!

Am I alone in this?? Has anyone else ever made a total buffoon out of themselves like me??? Crickets?? Awesome. Insert foot in mouth.

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