Archive | October, 2012

One of my hats

22 Oct

I’m reminded today (as I OFTEN am) of how much life changes when you have a little one. Things that used to be important, really aren’t all that important anymore. I will turn 25 in two days, and you know what? I really don’t care. It’s like, the least big deal of all time. Especially because my baby is sick. It’s the most heartbreaking thing to see your child crying all day (no really… all. day.) from discomfort; looking up at you with these eyes that just say “Mom, what’s wrong? Make it stop!” And if I could, I would. I just wish I could.

Saturday night I was suddenly and violently afflicted with The Flu (dun-dun-DUUNNN!!!!) and hoooo boy, it was a doozie. So much that Stockton (wisely) spent the night in the guest bedroom (wrapped in a sleeping bag, Godlovehim) so that I could thrash and wince and get up 20 (at least) times without disturbing him, or him, me. It was officially the worst night ever, and I don’t hesitate to say that it was worse than giving birth to Navy. And I didn’t have the WORST delivery ever, but it certainly wasn’t a cakewalk. At least that had a very happy ending.

So the rest of the weekend was spent mostly with my head in the toilet while Stockton played Mr. Mom and slowly watch Navy deteriorate from his own bout of The Everlovin’ Relentless Flu. That poor little bug. By the end of the day, Stockton looked like he’d been beaten by a shovel and he kept reiterating how sad it is to watch your child get sick and not know what’s happening to them or why. And really, nothing you can do to stop it.

Today, Stockton had to go to work and luckily, I was “well” enough to manage Navy here by myself. But that poor sweet boy spent the entire day either sleeping or moaning and groaning, nearly inconsolable during all of his waking hours. So by the end of the day, it was me looking like I’d been beaten by a shovel (and feeling similarly).

Over the last 48 hours, while I sat there sick as a dog, I kept wanting to pray that the Lord would rid me of this sickness, restore my health and help me to “feel better” but then I felt too guilty to pray for that!! It’s just the FLU after all. I kept thinking about all of the people who have cancer and spend days, weeks, months just as sick as dogs because of their chemo drugs and the disease that their body harbors.

Then today, as I was praying for Navy (because I do not feel too guilty to pray for others, just myself) I also prayed for the babies who are terminally ill, or who are fighting unknown diseases, and who are possibly suffering from the treatments that ravage their little bodies. I prayed for their mommies (and daddies) who hold their crying babies every single day and do everything they can to comfort their children when there is really nothing that can be done. It’s defeating (and again, my kid just has the flu). It’s heartbreaking. But it’s what you do when you’re a mom. You just don’t have a choice in the matter.

As I was holding Navy this evening, I kept thinking about what a hard weekend it’s been.  I don’t often say things are “hard” because I think it’s kind of a ridiculous description. However, this weekend and the flu that came with it was just… exhausting. Ravaging. It took everything out of us all and its work, I’m afraid, isn’t quite over. So even though my job as a mom doesn’t involve balancing budgets, solving complex problems, dealing with employee issues, or making sure my business is profitable, it is indeed frickin’ hard. You can’t even be sick by yourself. It’s all about your baby. It’s all about your family. They need you even when you are at your worst (and I’ve confirmed now that there are definitely no sick days when you work this job). It’s all a part of wearing many hats, right? It’s also the stuff that people take for granted. That people minimize. That people who are “too cool” and “above” the simplicity of mommyhood downplay and find irritating and uncouth. And that’s ok. I know what I’ve got, and even when what I’ve got is a sick little baby who cries for his mommy to take away his ickies all day, I’ll take it. I’ll wear my hat even when it’s covered in puke. That’s what mommies do.


Remembering the days

16 Oct

The days are long but the years are fast? I overheard some mentor moms at our first MOPS meeting this morning commenting on how quickly kids grow up (perhaps the biggest cliche of all time, but indeed, word up, ’tis TRUTH) and one of them used this saying, and it prompted me to take a time out today and try to bookmark life as it races by me, often unnoticed.

Navy is 10.5 months old now. We have such a busy season ahead of us that it seems like I have the entire Fall scheduled out right up until Christmas. Among the crazy, fun, whirlwindy festivities that are going on are the following: a new opportunity with MOPS started for Navy and I today at church and has been a big project to lead up to; next week I turn 25; also next week, I will jet set over to Rome to spend 4 days frolicking around with my sisters; a few days later, my book club and their families will be joining us at our home for a Halloween party; a few days later, it is my turn to host our monthly book club; in November, we will be traveling to Phoenix to spend a week with Stockton’s family and celebrate Thanksgiving; also throwing 1 of 2 little birthday parties for Navy while we are there so he can celebrate with his west coast family; once we get home, it’s almost December, and Navy’s real birthday is upon us (how in the..?!) followed by all of the Christmas festivities that regularly happen, and all of this while entering my “busy season” for work. I don’t even think that paragraph is grammatically correct, but I’m so bleary just thinking about it, I am not going to bother to fix it. That’s about where I’m at with things currently. So a pause is in order.

Now, among the crazy, fun whirlwindy things I want to remember about this season of life are the following:

-As of yesterday, Navy has started feeding himself with a fork (and he has yet to stab out either of his eyes, so SUCCESS!)

-Before he eats, he waves his fingers around and stares at his plate like he’s casting a spell on his chopped vegetables before he commits to eating them.

-We play this seriously weird game where he bites my nose and I, in return (in an embarrassingly annoying voice) say “DON’T BITE MY NOSEEE!” It’s complex and highly developed. And if you think I look and sound stupid, I don’t care because he loves it, and it’s often the highlight of my day. *This is one of those things that when you’re cool and single and kidless, you never imagine your future and think, yeah, THAT is probably going to be my life someday, and I’m going to LOVE HAVING MY NOSE EATEN BY A BABY. Like, huh?!

-Navy can be sensitive and is very independent. I blame the fact that I work from home and he has learned to play by himself as a result. It doesn’t bother me that he’s independent, but I want him to be OK with other kids, too. And I don’t keep him in a bubble (he goes to the church nursery and spends lots of time playing with his cousins during the week) but there just aren’t all that many opportunities for him to interact with other kids his age. I’m hopeful that since we’ve begun MOPS there will be more excuses for me to get together with other moms and therefore give him the chance to play with other kids his age.

-Navy is also super rough and tumble at times. The other day, he was climbing around the high chair and slipped and totally cracked his gourd on the tile floor. Bracing myself for the tears, but giving him his space to determine his reaction, I was surprised to see him just pull himself back up and keep climbing. He surprises me like this all the time. When I expect him to cry, he doesn’t, and when I expect him not to cry, he does. I can’t keep up with that boy.

-Often in the mornings, I bring Navy into our room after his morning bottle and we just cuddle and say hi to Daddy. He loves our time together as a little family and I know we’re spoiling him with this undivided attention, but I hope even when we have eleventy kids, we still all hop in Mom & Dad’s bed in the morning and give each other good-morning noogies. It’s kind of a warm-fuzzy time of day.

My house is a mess, I have orders to fill, my head is pounding, the laundry is overflowing… But I just didn’t want this day to slip by without jotting down these “isms” of our family. Because I know that this is just a snapshot and if I don’t take it, I may never remember these fleeting moments.