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29 Jun

I hope you weren’t planning on trying to be skinny this blueberry season, cause now that I’ve discovered this muffin-top-alicious recipe, y’all are gonna want to compare love handles at the beach instead of 6-packs.  Or maybe you won’t WANT to compare love handles, but if you try this recipe, it will be your only choice. Muffins show no mercy on the midsection.

So after making a mess of my kitchen and feeling all Susie Homemaker for a while, I figured I would get all sharey on you and post this recipe that I found when I googled “Best Blueberry Muffins” about 15 minutes ago. Based solely on tasting a bit of the uncooked batter (not enough to get salmonella, just enough to stick my hands in the batter 100 times and raise a few Health Department eyebrows), the amount of sugar that goes onto just the TOPPING, and the fact that these are estimated to be enormous, I’m gonna consider them winners.  And I’m also going to consider myself healthy for eating them despite everything that last sentence stands for. Because I consider blueberry muffins as nutrient rich and healthful as raw fruit, and lets be real, the muffin is the mode of transportation for the fruit, and if it gets fruit into my body, then I’m practically like, healthy-ful-and-whatnot, right? Oh, and to my friends the health people… don’t worry. I’m kidding, you guys, that’s totally not the only way I consume fruit. I also eat apple pie in the fall.

So without further ado:

Bitchin’ Bluebs


1.5 Cups all-purpose flour

3/4 cup white sugar

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/3 cup vegetable oil

1 egg

1/3 cup milk

1 cup fresh blueberries*

1/2 cup white sugar

1/3 cup all-purpose flour

1/4 cup butter, cubed (psst. I melted mine and it was fine)

1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Grease muffin cups.

2. Combine 1 1/2 cups flour, 3/4 cup sugar, salt and baking powder. Place vegetable oil into a 1 cup measuring cup; add the egg and enough milk to fill the cup. Mix this with the flour mixture. Fold in blueberries. Fill muffin cups right to the top, and sprinkle with crumb mixture.

3. Crumb Mixture: Mix together 1/2 cup sugar, 1/3 cup flour, 1/4 cup butter and 1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon. Mix with a fork, and sprinkle over muffins before baking.

4. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes** in the preheated oven, or until done.

5. Eat and get way way fat right before the 4th of July.

*I doubled the amount of blueberries because I’m healthy like that (remember) and also because I have 5 pounds of blueberries in my fridge begging to be transformed into calorie-laden fatbombs and the more the merrier.

**I love when a recipe says between __ and __ minutes. In this case, I’m all, OK 22 minutes it is! And voila, they are perfect.

***One would assume this recipe would yield at least a dozen muffins, but I loaded the muffin cups all the way to the top so that it would get that big, fat, incredible calorie bubble on top. Since I loaded up the cups, I only got 10 muffins out of this recipe AND that was with 2x the berries. Just keep in mind you may need to double or triple the recipe AND add more berries if your goal is lots of muffins.